I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
