Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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