no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
