I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
