I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
FUCK WHALES
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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