is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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