His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
