There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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