Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
