i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
