When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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