Tell her she can't have a vagina
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize