before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
