I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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