Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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