addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
