your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
