i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so let's talk penis.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
