Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
