he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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