Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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