Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
