im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
