my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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