ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
