Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
