If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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