I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
