return my video game
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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