The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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