He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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