Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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