I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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