I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize