when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
