i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
