So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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