I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
