Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
