I can tuck mytits in my pants
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
