Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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