what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
