Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
