Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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