I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
