from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
