Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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