Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
