Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and she was petting her beer can
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
