hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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