is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
