glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
third nipple confirmed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
