ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
