I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there is puke in my bra ... again
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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