guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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