There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
