let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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