Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize