Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
