Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
