Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
