Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
