It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
PS: I just woke up from my shower
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
