I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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