he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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