i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
