I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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