and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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