Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
