You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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