Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
where does the pee come out of this thing
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
