Are we in a gay sports bar?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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