Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
