You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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