Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So many bounce houses so little time
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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