White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
