she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
